After my mid-day blowup at the registration desk demon and a couple days of waiting for test results my endocrinologist decided that it was best that I be put on thyroid medication----not because my thyroid is all THAT messed up but because I'm symptomatic enough that we might as well just take care of it now. She prescribed me 50MCG of Levothyroxine which not only sounds terrifying but pretty much is considering that one of the side effects is hair loss "for the first few months"?? Hair loss, hair thinning, whatever....I already lost my hair once and I just got it back so I'm really not up for dealing with thinning hair on top of major fatigue and weight gain.
Aside from that you have to take these pills in the morning 30 minutes before you eat anything....which is about to suck because we all know that when you're told you can't do something you extra feel the need to do it. So...sweet....30 minutes of me being really angry that I can't eat. Cool.
Fortunately, this should also help boost my metabolism eventually and make me waaaay less tired all the time. I had to take an Ativan yesterday just to get a solid seven hours of sleep (and from 10am-5pm, perfect snooze time, right?)
---but can you blame me? Living next to a half preschool daycare whatever/half Baptist Church thing = screaming children 8am-? Monday-whenever and some extra loud worship on Sundays. But hey...I learned their song about the days of the week by heart.
I digress...
I will be starting the thyroid medication (technically) this morning (5/17/16) and will hopefully feel some sort of POSITIVE change within the next six weeks. Wish me luck!
Tuesday, May 17, 2016
Wednesday, May 11, 2016
"Ma'am, You're Going To Need To Calm Down"
I went to my cancer hospital yesterday to get some blood-work done.
Unfortunately, I had gotten there at 4:30 and most of the phlebotomy room staff leaves around 4:00 to run around and do other important doctor-tasks--most probably that of the stab-people-in-the-arms-repeatedly kind. So I walked past the seemingly unstaffed and closed front desk to where I could call someone to come do the work for me.
When a man finally came down to where I was waiting he told me I had to check in at the front desk...but as we all already know, it was unstaffed and pretty much closed. So he brought me to another very angry looking woman instead who was sitting in an office and asked her to register me so he could take the tests and be on his way. He asked to take a seat and I apologized to her (why?) and she just replied with a very quick "It's FINE" without even looking up at me. I brushed it off and let it go.
After she finished whatever it was she was doing she asked me for my patient card...which I had forgotten for the first time in a very long time. She went off on a little rant about how I shouldn't be forgetting it and how it makes it so much easier on them when we bring them and asked some questions like "Did you lose it? Or did you just leave it at home?" with probably the rudest sounding tone you may have ever heard in a CANCER HOSPITAL. At this point I was already thinking to myself:
but of course I had to keep my cool because she still hadn't really done anything to help me. So I told her my name and she spent a literal 2 minutes looking me up and asking me my day of birth and what not. Then of course came the part where she had to print out my wristband. She asked me what doctor sent me and I replied with a simple and easy "Dr. Nguyen from Endocrinology" to which she replied "Do you not know their first name? Do you know how many of those we have in this hospital?"
At this point I am doing everything I can to hold in an explosion of anger and I tell her that that's all the information I have and that there cannot possibly be that many Nguyens specifically in endocrinology. She shot me some bs about how she can't look up something specific and how her computer doesn't hold any of the orders for certain tests and then slaps the name of my normal oncologist onto the wristband and sends me on my way saying "he can figure it out in the lab"....which seems sort of unprofessional? Perhaps illegal? Maybe not illegal but...I don't know...wrong?
She prints the band and puts it on my wrist and I get up seething and right before I exit she says "YOU'RE WELCOME."
And you guys.....well....
I turned around so fast I'm surprised nothing caught on fire. And then I raised hell. And I am both proud and embarrassed to say that these are my exact words:
So moral of the story is....you probably shouldn't let your anger and pent up teenage angst from three years ago get the best of you...at least not in a hospital....and not in front of your dad....
and IF YOU'RE WORKING IN A HOSPITAL WHERE PEOPLE ARE DYING EVERY DAY MAYBE YOU SHOULD BE A LITTLE MORE PATIENT AND NOT BE SO RUDE BECAUSE YOUR JOB CANNOT POSSIBLY BE THAT HARD. THANKS. COOL. SORRY. SORT OF. NOT REALLY.
Sort of.
Unfortunately, I had gotten there at 4:30 and most of the phlebotomy room staff leaves around 4:00 to run around and do other important doctor-tasks--most probably that of the stab-people-in-the-arms-repeatedly kind. So I walked past the seemingly unstaffed and closed front desk to where I could call someone to come do the work for me.
When a man finally came down to where I was waiting he told me I had to check in at the front desk...but as we all already know, it was unstaffed and pretty much closed. So he brought me to another very angry looking woman instead who was sitting in an office and asked her to register me so he could take the tests and be on his way. He asked to take a seat and I apologized to her (why?) and she just replied with a very quick "It's FINE" without even looking up at me. I brushed it off and let it go.
After she finished whatever it was she was doing she asked me for my patient card...which I had forgotten for the first time in a very long time. She went off on a little rant about how I shouldn't be forgetting it and how it makes it so much easier on them when we bring them and asked some questions like "Did you lose it? Or did you just leave it at home?" with probably the rudest sounding tone you may have ever heard in a CANCER HOSPITAL. At this point I was already thinking to myself:
but of course I had to keep my cool because she still hadn't really done anything to help me. So I told her my name and she spent a literal 2 minutes looking me up and asking me my day of birth and what not. Then of course came the part where she had to print out my wristband. She asked me what doctor sent me and I replied with a simple and easy "Dr. Nguyen from Endocrinology" to which she replied "Do you not know their first name? Do you know how many of those we have in this hospital?"
At this point I am doing everything I can to hold in an explosion of anger and I tell her that that's all the information I have and that there cannot possibly be that many Nguyens specifically in endocrinology. She shot me some bs about how she can't look up something specific and how her computer doesn't hold any of the orders for certain tests and then slaps the name of my normal oncologist onto the wristband and sends me on my way saying "he can figure it out in the lab"....which seems sort of unprofessional? Perhaps illegal? Maybe not illegal but...I don't know...wrong?
She prints the band and puts it on my wrist and I get up seething and right before I exit she says "YOU'RE WELCOME."
And you guys.....well....
I turned around so fast I'm surprised nothing caught on fire. And then I raised hell. And I am both proud and embarrassed to say that these are my exact words:
"I didn't say thank you FOR A REASON. You were rude this entire time. (she interrupted me here and I basically told her not to interrupt me) You can't be giving patients going through post-chemotherapy bullshit any shit when you are literally paid to look names up in your fucking system. I don't see you getting a needle in YOUR arm today. You are a LITERAL.PIECE.OF.SHIT."With no response...or at least no wait time on my part for a response from what I assumed to be the spawn of Satan...I walked away quickly while a security guard yelled at me "MA'AM, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO CALM DOWN" to which I responded with a quick shake of my head and then disappeared into the nearest bathroom to cry for like 3 minutes straight. MAN WAS IT A GOOD DAY TO BE ME.
So moral of the story is....you probably shouldn't let your anger and pent up teenage angst from three years ago get the best of you...at least not in a hospital....and not in front of your dad....
and IF YOU'RE WORKING IN A HOSPITAL WHERE PEOPLE ARE DYING EVERY DAY MAYBE YOU SHOULD BE A LITTLE MORE PATIENT AND NOT BE SO RUDE BECAUSE YOUR JOB CANNOT POSSIBLY BE THAT HARD. THANKS. COOL. SORRY. SORT OF. NOT REALLY.
Sort of.
A Failure To Communicate
Every visit to a doctor’s office includes the obligatory moment where the doctor asks, “Do you have any questions?” This moment frequently occurs after hearing hard-to-swallow news or incoherent doctor-speak. Not unlike your waitress coming to you right when you have the biggest mouthful of food in your entire life to ask you how your meal is, your doctor is required to make sure you don’t have any complaints and hopes to God for a simple response in return. In the case that you do indeed have a legitimate concern, your doctor will generally refer you to someone else, the nearest information pamphlet, or to a website they were told to promote. These are all ways to avoid having to communicate with you themselves. Worse, they may refer you to your nearest support group that only intends on fixing your problems with off brand makeup and 10% discounts at the hospital’s overpriced wig store.
The failure to communicate is complex, and it involves avoidance, information overload, and an issue with information reliability. Does the doctor just give me a lawyer approved, memorized speech? Am I even able to process what he or she is trying to tell me? Is the information I am receiving credible? Just because a sentence is grammatically correct does not make it true.
Doctor-patient communication is central to cancer patients’ quality of life and satisfaction (Ong et al., 2000). However, studies of cancer patients show a general dissatisfaction with their physician’s communications (see for example: Fonfa, 2007; Lee et al., 2014; Ojukwu et al., 2015; Trimborn et al., 2013). One reason for physicians avoidance of communication may be fear of lawsuits (Carrier et al., 2010). Another reason for failure to communicate is the questionable reliability of information. It is hard to say which forms of communication are trustworthy and which are not. When a doctor is unable or unwilling to provide satisfactory answers, patients sometimes resort to google’s endless supply of medical advice and cures. Is honey anti-cancer? Does the Bible hold secret healing messages? And YOU’RE IN trouble if you aren’t drinking URINE to cure your cancer!
The problem with the information superhighway is that it is hard to tell whether or not you have pulled into a library or a souvenir stand. So many of these “helpful” websites use the formats of scholarly articles, including official looking tables and charts;
Unfortunately, so many of these apparently reliable sources are just advertisements created to make a quick profit from gullible sick people. The reason this works so well is because patients with high expectations are looking for alternatives that provide a better chance of recovery than the treatments that their physicians may or may not give them. Patients are seeking out information so desperately because of the lack of doctor-approved information that they are turning to sources that promise easy, inexpensive cures. Of course, part of the reason why patients are not receiving this information before they go online is because doctors do not have enough training, information, or access to (sometimes non-existent) studies on long-term results from complementary and alternative care options. Moreover, a physician is putting their job at risk if they provide false or potentially harmful recommendations.
Beyond the worldwide web, there are almost as many pieces of advice about cancer treatment as there are people we encounter in our day to day lives. In my own experience, one of the strangest conversations I have had came from the father of one of my high school friends. A few weeks after my lymphoma diagnosis, I ran into him in front of my neighborhood’s local smoothie joint. After a very brief expression of sympathy about my diagnosis, he launched into an extensive explanation on the wonders of baking soda and its healing properties. Sure enough, after a few clicks through search engines I found just under one million references debating whether or not the baking soda cure was going to help me with more than just a bad case of acid indigestion. Along the same lines, I had been told to stick strictly to an alkaline diet, and/or to exercise frequently and eat many fruits and vegetables and juice just about everything. These all seemed like good ideas until I was unable to sit up in bed for more than ten minutes and until my doctor banned me from “anything that came out of the ground” because of my compromised immune system and the dangers of e.coli.
Another problem interfering with a patient’s understanding of their treatment is the myriad of voices offering different information all at once. Even when the information one receives is reliable, it is hard to understand and decipher what is the most important. Patients are frequently surrounded by well-meaning people all with different and sometimes conflicting advice.
This chaos of ideas can lead to poor decision making and misinformation. One health care provider told me that undergoing radiation treatment would increase my survival rate by 50% whereas another physician in the same building told me 5%. After providing me with such inconsistent information (which also clashed with Doctor Google’s extensive radiation statistical data) I was presented with the responsibility of making the hard decision myself. And even when the information is consistent, it is not always possible to make sense of it all. What does it mean that being treated with radiation is associated with a 5% higher rate of heart disease? Is that a big number? Does that factor into the 5% survival rate it so promised? What is the survival rate if I get heart disease after trying to increase my odds of survival? Will baking soda help?
It seems that some doctors “tend to overestimate their ability in communication” (Ha et al., 2010). So what can I recommend? There is no guarantee that there is a single solution to this complex problem, but a good start would be the recognition by physicians that poor communication exists and can be as harmful as poor treatment decisions. Medical institutions need to take physician’s communication skills as seriously as they take medical skills. This would include creating specialized training as well as regular assessment of physicians with feedback from patients. Furthermore, conducting more studies on complementary and alternative medicine could prevent patients from making the wrong choice and doing more harm than good.
Carrier, Emily R., James D. Reschovsky, Michelle M. Mello, Ralph C. Mayrell, and David Katz.
“Physicians’ Fears of Malpractive Lawsuits Are Not Assuaged By Tort Reforms.” Health
Affairs 29.9: 1585-1592. Web.
Fonfa, Ann E. "Patient Perspectives: Barriers to Complementary and Alternative Medicine
Therapies Create Problems for Patients and Survivors." Integrative Cancer Therapies
6.3 (2007): 297-300. Web.
Ha, Jennifer Fong, Dip Surg Anat, Nancy Longnecker. “Doctor-Patient Communication: A
Review.” The Ochsner Journal 10.1 (2010): 38-43. Web.
Lee, Richard T., Andrea Barbo, Gabriel Lopez, Amal Melhem-Bertrandt, Heather Lin,
Olufunmilayo I. Olopade, and Farr A. Curlin. "National Survey of US Oncologists'
Knowledge, Attitudes, and Practice Patterns Regarding Herb and Supplement Use by
Patients With Cancer." Journal of Clinical Oncology 32.36 (2014): 4096-101. Web.
Ojukwu, Mary, Justice Mbizo, Bryan Leyva, Oluwadamilola Olaku, and Farah Zia.
"Complementary and Alternative Medicine Use Among Overweight and Obese Cancer
Survivors in the United States." Integrative Cancer Therapies 14.6 (2015): 503-14. Web.
Trimborn, A., B. Senf, K. Muenstedt, J. Buentzel, O. Micke, R. Muecke, F. J. Prott, S. Wicker,
and J. Huebner. "Attitude of Employees of a University Clinic to Complementary and
Alternative Medicine in Oncology." Annals of Oncology 24.10 (2013): 2641-645. Web.
“Physicians’ Fears of Malpractive Lawsuits Are Not Assuaged By Tort Reforms.” Health
Affairs 29.9: 1585-1592. Web.
Fonfa, Ann E. "Patient Perspectives: Barriers to Complementary and Alternative Medicine
Therapies Create Problems for Patients and Survivors." Integrative Cancer Therapies
6.3 (2007): 297-300. Web.
Ha, Jennifer Fong, Dip Surg Anat, Nancy Longnecker. “Doctor-Patient Communication: A
Review.” The Ochsner Journal 10.1 (2010): 38-43. Web.
Lee, Richard T., Andrea Barbo, Gabriel Lopez, Amal Melhem-Bertrandt, Heather Lin,
Olufunmilayo I. Olopade, and Farr A. Curlin. "National Survey of US Oncologists'
Knowledge, Attitudes, and Practice Patterns Regarding Herb and Supplement Use by
Patients With Cancer." Journal of Clinical Oncology 32.36 (2014): 4096-101. Web.
Ojukwu, Mary, Justice Mbizo, Bryan Leyva, Oluwadamilola Olaku, and Farah Zia.
"Complementary and Alternative Medicine Use Among Overweight and Obese Cancer
Survivors in the United States." Integrative Cancer Therapies 14.6 (2015): 503-14. Web.
Trimborn, A., B. Senf, K. Muenstedt, J. Buentzel, O. Micke, R. Muecke, F. J. Prott, S. Wicker,
and J. Huebner. "Attitude of Employees of a University Clinic to Complementary and
Alternative Medicine in Oncology." Annals of Oncology 24.10 (2013): 2641-645. Web.
Wednesday, May 4, 2016
Where I Am Now & What Lies Ahead
I am stable.
Hear that, you guys? I've gotten to say that for a while now when people ask. I'm not sure what "remission" is for me, but I am stable and the mass that was above my heart is inactive. I don't think that's as satisfying to the people asking me as the word "remission" is but for me, it means I'm not in need of treatment and everything is going as planned.
I am stable. I am stable. I am stable.
Unfortunately, pretty much as promised post-treatment, my thyroid is doing all sorts of crazy things and my weight has been fluctuating (and NOT in the direction I wish it would) considering my somewhat improved diet/food choices and my more frequent trips to the gym---and I'm all over the place with my sleep schedule. I've been experiencing a lot more fatigue lately and have needed to nap more than usual. I will be heading to an endocrinologist in a few days to see if blood tests show signs of it worsening and to see whether or not I'll need thyroid medication now. I will have to take it at some point, but I guess I'd rather just have it now than have to deal with even more weight gain and fatigue. It's just not a pleasant experience overall--especially as a 21 year old girl that's still in college whose metabolism should be working so she can drink cocktails a plenty---
A-hem, body? Help a girl out? Please?
Aside from the more "real" issues, my hair is still growin' and is still curly? Mind you, it was stick straight and really long before so give a girl a break--I'm adapting. Sort of. Let me gripe about it. Whatever, it's still growing back so at least I have hair.
I don't have another checkup with my oncologist until July so as far as I'm concerned, I'm doing well and can proceed with summer freely.
So raise your glass with the craft cocktail of your choice, screw your weird metabolism (for the time being--sorry, body, I'm tryin' to get it fixed!), and say hello to 22, body. May 22 be better on your body than 20 was and let's toast to stability.
I am stable.
I am STABLE.
I AM STABLE!!!!
Hear that, you guys? I've gotten to say that for a while now when people ask. I'm not sure what "remission" is for me, but I am stable and the mass that was above my heart is inactive. I don't think that's as satisfying to the people asking me as the word "remission" is but for me, it means I'm not in need of treatment and everything is going as planned.
I am stable. I am stable. I am stable.
Unfortunately, pretty much as promised post-treatment, my thyroid is doing all sorts of crazy things and my weight has been fluctuating (and NOT in the direction I wish it would) considering my somewhat improved diet/food choices and my more frequent trips to the gym---and I'm all over the place with my sleep schedule. I've been experiencing a lot more fatigue lately and have needed to nap more than usual. I will be heading to an endocrinologist in a few days to see if blood tests show signs of it worsening and to see whether or not I'll need thyroid medication now. I will have to take it at some point, but I guess I'd rather just have it now than have to deal with even more weight gain and fatigue. It's just not a pleasant experience overall--especially as a 21 year old girl that's still in college whose metabolism should be working so she can drink cocktails a plenty---
A-hem, body? Help a girl out? Please?
Aside from the more "real" issues, my hair is still growin' and is still curly? Mind you, it was stick straight and really long before so give a girl a break--I'm adapting. Sort of. Let me gripe about it. Whatever, it's still growing back so at least I have hair.
I don't have another checkup with my oncologist until July so as far as I'm concerned, I'm doing well and can proceed with summer freely.
So raise your glass with the craft cocktail of your choice, screw your weird metabolism (for the time being--sorry, body, I'm tryin' to get it fixed!), and say hello to 22, body. May 22 be better on your body than 20 was and let's toast to stability.
I am stable.
I am STABLE.
I AM STABLE!!!!
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