Friday, August 19, 2016

Worrisome ranting // weird maybes

The best way I can sum up today's doctor's appointment is probably with a few tears and a little bit (let's be real--it was a lot) of pacing around small spaces.

I went in to my endocrinologist today hoping to just hear that -if anything- my thyroid med dosage would be upped a bit. No big deal (minus the fact that my heart rate is a little fast anyways so that even if I do technically need a bigger dose I need to weigh the good and the bad, etc etc.) Whatever.

I hadn't gotten labs done before this visit like I should have so I won't know for a little while how everything has been doing. However, since May I've lost *about* five pounds so I guess that's good.


Unfortunately, my cortisol levels are pretty high which could mean a few different things for me--

It could be linked to my use of birth control which sometimes throws off the levels from that test a bit...so I'll be taking a salivary test at the end of this weekend or early this upcoming week to send a better, more accurate test in to the lab. I'm hoping it's this.

If it's something bad, an option being tumor(s) in my brain or above my kidneys (FUCK FUCK FUCK), well, I guess we'll have to remove them somehow (Hi, I've been screaming internally for the past hour or so). If it's not, and please God let me just have this ONE, then we'll figure out the source of the problem and fix it the best way we possibly can.
Of course, like the anxious, high strung 22 year old that I am, I left the office calmly and once out of sight from my doctor proceeded to go into meltdown mode because *almost every time I have gone into the doctor and tried to hope for the best it hasn't gone all that well for me. That's me being a pessimist. Or not trying to jinx it. Or something. I don't know. I'm a little busy freaking out here.

Here are some anxious gifs to lighten the mood or make you more anxious or me more anxious or I DON'T KNOW:


I'll leave some updates here when I get them. Until then, I would appreciate some good luck sent my way. Or pillows to hold.


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